how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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