The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my poor anus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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