So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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