I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
