I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
