Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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