I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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