So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
