we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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