Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
