You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize