If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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