Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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