Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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