I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
