Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
