Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
