I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
