Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
