There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if only i could text you this smell
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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