I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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