Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize