How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
