She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
