I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
