There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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