just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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