There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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