Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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