so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
