Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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