drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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