i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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