I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
