I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
