I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
