He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
