And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
