But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize