gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
