You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize