What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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