if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
