positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
