I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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