Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
