I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize