If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
