It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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