he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
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We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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