good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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