You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize