Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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