I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Even my vagina gasped.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
