Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
