WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
