He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
