His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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