My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
