Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize