I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
