Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was a blind-side dick pic.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
