When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
