those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
