Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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