In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
