I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
