Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
