We're like a lot better than the average bears
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize