he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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