I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
