DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
