i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
