I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
