You can't special order awesome
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
