Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
