he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
