The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
