How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
