the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
