when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
