I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
