Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
