God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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