90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
