Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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