ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
