So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
