there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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