just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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