She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
