So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
