i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
