That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
