I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize