Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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