R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize