So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm like, not good at living.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
