I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
