haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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