Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
