I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
