he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
