yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
