the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
