So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
