come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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