If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
