Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
